The Root of the Root

“Feel Me Running Away.” Acrylic, ink, and 24k gold leaf on canvas (triptych). 2020.

My Nana Rose passed away the very morning I received a deposit to start this commission. Yet, I couldn’t bring myself to begin work on it until two weeks after her passing. The process was slow but steady, and I experienced a range of emotions like never before. When I reflect on the two months spent working on this piece, I realize that it played a significant role in helping me heal during a chaotic and vulnerable time.

In the midst of grieving my grandmother’s passing, trying to stay strong for my family, and juggling work, relationships, freelance projects, art events, a mural project, and coping with a pandemic, I was overwhelmed and exhausted. Anxiety and insomnia crept back into my life, forcing me to seek holistic ways to manage. Painting has always been therapeutic for me, but working on this commission confirmed, without a doubt, that art has the power to heal. This piece provided solace during one of the most challenging times in my life, and I cherished every moment spent creating it.

My Nana Rose was a warrior—the most resilient person I’ve ever known. She was more than an amazing grandmother; she was my mom, my friend, my teacher, my anchor, and my guiding light. Our bond transcended time and distance, and I’ve always felt deeply connected to her. Because of this, I am at peace with her passing, and my heart is full. Her strength and love always carried me out of darkness and into light, and this artwork is a reflection of that truth.

As I write this blog post, this artwork is on its way to New York, where it will find a new home with a doctor who is helping people through this pandemic. I couldn’t be happier that this piece of my heart is going to another warrior, just like my Nana Rose.

To accompany this blog post and this artwork, I want to share a poem by e.e. cummings that I read to my Nana Rose years ago. This poem echoed in my thoughts as I painted, and I believe it found its way onto the canvas.

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
i want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)